The Era of Stud Shaming

When I grew up in the 1990s, it was deeply shameful for a woman to be called a “slut.” While the stigma around female promiscuity hasn’t vanished entirely, the condemnation today is far milder than I ever expected. Cultural forces—from The Vagina Monologues to Sex and the City, from Call Her Daddy to SlutWalk protests—rightly pushed for women to own their sexuality without shame, so long as it was consensual.

But in this wave of female empowerment, a blind spot emerged: men. While society rightly focused on dismantling sexual double standards for women, few stopped to examine how these shifts affected men—until the internet forced the conversation.

The Birth and Corruption of “Incel”

The term “incel” (involuntary celibate) was originally coined by a woman named Alana, who created a forum for people of all genders to discuss loneliness and romantic struggles. But as dating apps took off, something unexpected happened: an unprecedented number of men found themselves locked out of the sexual marketplace. Women, now flooded with options online, no longer needed to settle for the guy next door.

Men began flocking to these forums, and over time, “incel” shifted from a gender-neutral descriptor to a label associated with misogynistic men who blamed women for their lack of romantic success. While some in these spaces genuinely sought support, the most toxic voices came to define the term.

Then came the final twist: mainstream culture co-opted “incel” once more, this time as a casual insult. Today, any man who expresses even vaguely misogynistic views—regardless of his actual dating life—risks being branded an incel. A married man criticizing feminism? Incel. A guy complaining about dating struggles? Incel. The word has lost its original meaning and become a weapon.

The Rise of Stud Shaming

Here’s the problem: “Incel” is now used as a form of stud shaming—a way of implying that a man’s worth is tied to his ability to sleep with women. The more women a man beds, the more “valid” he is in society’s eyes. This is toxic masculinity in reverse: men aren’t shamed for exploiting women (as in traditional patriarchy) but for failing to attract them.

Sexual success should never be the measure of a man’s value. Yet stud shaming reinforces the very thing feminists once fought against—the idea that personal worth is defined by sexual conquests. A man who sleeps with many women may be called a “player,” but a man who sleeps with none (or few) is mocked as an incel. Both judgments reduce masculinity to a numbers game.

Where Do We Go From Here?

We’ve made progress in decoupling female sexuality from shame. Now, we must do the same for men. True equality means:

• Not assuming a man’s character based on his sexual history (or lack thereof).
• Rejecting “incel” as a lazy insult and recognizing that loneliness isn’t inherently misogynistic.
• Challenging the idea that masculinity requires sexual validation—whether through stud shaming or player glorification.

The era of slut-shaming is fading. It’s time to end the era of stud-shaming, too.